Third Trimester Thoughts

Today I welcome my third trimester.

With the final days approaching I can't help but be cliche in saying that it feels like only yesterday that I took a pregnancy test at 2am and found myself staring down at 2 pink lines and clasping my mouth in disbelief.

On the other hand, I hardly remember ever not being pregnant and that big day that I can finally look into the eyes of this "alien" who's been kicking me in the ribs all week, can't come soon enough.

I've come a long way in the past 6 months and the emotions I have found myself going through have been a non-stop roller coaster ride. I'm not going to deny being terrified those first weeks after we found out that I was pregnant. We hadn't quite planned for this to happen so soon and just only a few months into our marriage and it was time to give up the care-free lifestyle, because things had just become serious.

My first thoughts were:

 "Where on earth are we going to live?"

"How are we ever going to be able to support a child?" and

"What ever happened to our 2 year plan?"

Like most people (I'm sure) I imagined that by the time I had kids I would be living in a big house, driving a reliable car, college educated and have a steady career. Instead, there I was in a tiny studio apartment, a permanent "check engine" light glowing, on my 7th "gap year" and working a job that I had never pictured myself doing in the first place.

My life has always been one reality TV worthy adventure, so I don't know why I was so surprised when things didn't work out completely "text book" worthy.

I am so thankful that those earlier feelings of fear and anxiety have totally lifted over the last half year. I've decided that there never really is a "perfect time" to have a baby because you will never totally feel like you are financially secure or emotionally prepared enough or by the time you do feel like you are absolutely ready, your body has already given up on you and your days of fertility are just a distant memory.

It has not been easy, nor is it going to get any easier. Rent is totally outrageous, my car is still a piece of shit garbage and my work hours have been cut which makes saving any money totally out of the question.

So why do I feel so ready to become a parent?

I just know that everything is going to be okay. My supportive and loving husband, a supportive family (no matter how near or far) and the promise of a love so HUGE that unconditional does not even begin to describe it. 

I am so blessed with everything that I do have in my life and it makes me feel secure and prepared to give this little girl the best life I can possibly give her.